“Josh, you haven’t touched any of your dinner.”
The blonde teen looked up at his dad. He didn’t want to eat. Not with Cole’s words swimming in his head. What if weight started packing on? It would be well deserved, wouldn’t it? Wouldn’t that make everyone else happy? He would be just as ugly as he felt inside.
Josh shoved his plate down the table a little “Not hungry.”
“You’ve been doing this June.”
He’d also been eating too many sweets since June. “Sorry.”
“Luke and Alice are supposed to come in a couple weeks. Are you going to eat when they come?”
Josh took a swing of water. It tasted like blood. “Yeah.”
Mom’s voice was laced with concern. “I got an interesting phone call today. Some kids apparently have seen you pick fights with a boy named Cole Martin.”
The ice inside Josh’s water made a tinkering noise, as he set it down, “Did they call you?”
“Their parents did.”
It was time to get up from the table, before Mom or Dad asked anymore questions. Josh disappointed them. It was obvious. They thought Josh would be a good person after becoming a Christian...
2 comments:
You've been doing this June? A swing of water? I read the sample on Amazon, too. This is just not good writing at all. Also, the cover is terrible, just saying...
They thought Josh would be a good person after becoming a Christian???
1) Parents think their kids are good people regardless. They think their kids are great from the day they're born.
2) Who in the world thinks that one becomes a good person after becoming a Christian? And what parent would think that? No person is good, no not one. Even after one is saved, the person is not good, just forgiven. Yes, there is a sanctification process, but no one becomes a good person after becoming a Christian.
Also when I read this (and the sample on Amazon), I keep thinking that the male characters are girls or young women! Like in the passage above, he thinks like a girl and acts like a girl. ("He didn’t want to eat. Not with Cole’s words swimming in his head. What if weight started packing on? It would be well deserved, wouldn’t it? Wouldn’t that make everyone else happy? He would be just as ugly as he felt inside.")
I'm serious! There are no teenage boys that think like this and are that deep in religious self-examination. Teenagers (especially boys) are just not this introspective with all these righteous and moral feelings. Really they are not. Maybe you should change the sex of your main players. Also in general, the story seems awkward, contrived and just not real, like parents of other teenagers calling his parents. Really?
Post a Comment