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Wednesday, June 1, 2011

From "The Book of Awful" by Romi Moondi

The Book of Awful
"The Book of Awful" (a parody of "The Book of Awesome") is a guide to being grateful for your mediocre life, by realizing how much worse it could really be. Here's the beginning of the entry on ear/nose hair:

If Ear and Nostril Hair Grew Wild

Do I even need to explain it or are you already feeling grateful?

We should indeed be feeling grateful, but if you’re anything like me, we complain just a little too much.

Like that time I was on a subway and a beard grazed my naked arm.

I was halfway through “Eat Pray Love” and seriously rediscovering myself as a woman when I felt the first scratch. Memories of scrubbing pots and pans with a dried up brillo pad entered my mind, as the ends of the brown/grey beard began to scrape at my forearm. I followed the trail of the beard up the length of his chest and all the way up to the roots. On this harrowing journey my eyes spotted rogue beard pieces sticking out at wild angles, as well as many foreign scraps that had found their way into the beard, but sure as hell wouldn’t find their way out (twigs, the powdered fake cheese from a Cheeto, ketchup, a baby sparrow, etc.).

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