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Thursday, September 1, 2011

From "The Life and Times of Car Johnson" by Car Johnson

The Life and Times of Car Johnson
Car finds out he has a stalker and decides to name her Stalky and write a letter thanking her for scattering tiny Car figurines made out of candy wrappers on his front lawn:

To thank Stalky, I made a six foot tall statue of what I thought she looked like out of old yogurt containers and stuck it on my front lawn, along with a special note:

Stalky (may I call you that?),

I just wanted to let you know that I think you’re awesome and I’m glad you chose to stalk me. If you ever want to get together, I’m all for it, but I know that might be impossible… since you’re my stalker and all.

I made you this statue. You are a six foot tall female mime, right?

Forever stalked,


Stalky replied to my letter by tying a giant stuffed Car dummy to the tree next to my house, dressed in some clothing that had gone missing from my drawers and wearing a necklace made out of photographs taken of me in various places around the city. She also left a small note embroidered on the dummy’s chest. Meet me at the abandoned amusement park on State Street – tonight at 8 pm. Tell no one.

Yippee! I was going to meet my stalker!

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