Riley had grown to hate his life, become paranoid, and felt trapped by Giovanni Marcellino's evil influence that hung over him no matter what direction he turned. He even felt bad for that dirt bag Romano who he threatened -- the poor guy had a wife and kids and worked for both Fabrizi and Marcellino now. He wished he could quit his job at LSE and go back to Ticonderoga with Magnolia and grow garlic. He wished his life had progressed more like Tammy Meeks' had, and he was back home in Boston planning a safe, dull, inconsequential life. He thought of Tammy often and how much he enjoyed talking with her on the train that day and how his childhood felt wasted and friends discarded. He thought of his mother and how she would know exactly what he should do, and would encourage him and stand behind him. He missed his family and was hurt they didn't call. He received obligatory store-bought Christmas cards from most of them, but not a single invitation to come home or join them for the holiday. He felt he had been forsaken by many, maybe even himself.
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